Voice of the Koala, The newsletter of Dudcon 4000 Issue ψ – Sometime midnight, Saturday 2:00pm or Monday 9:00am, depending on the International Date Line

Transcribed by Elaine Walker. This was obviously a partial parody of the Voice of the Echidna, the newsletter of Aussiecon 4, which we have also been summarising. Dudcon 3 was the National Science Fiction Convention of Australia that year, and since it was far too much work to run that AND a WorldCon, Dudcon was a mini-convention within Aussiecon 4 itself. There were a couple of events (I only remember the Ditmar awards, and another one at the bar, probably the NatCon Business meeting too) but it was more a placeholder than anything else. But they did produce this newsletter at least once. The logo is a Koala in a space suit hanging onto a rocket on the upper left. It is blue paper, double sided with the ψ symbol as background similar to the numbers in the Voice of the Echidna newsletter on which it was obviously modelled. While I tended to summarise the Voice of the Echidna’s I think I shall attempt to preserve as much of this ‘newsletter’ as I can.

From the Trenches:

Dear Reader,
Unlike some, this reporter will endeavour to tell you the absolute truth. I have been visiting Australia for a week now, and share my knowledge with you at great personal expense (AUS $20 in paper alone!).

Drop bears do not exist. There is no such thing as a pygmy tribe that will drop from the trees upon tourists and have sex with you. Do not let Aussies convince you otherwise – they are full of it.

Drawing of a Koala with a hypodermic syringe full of something, a worrying look on its face and crooking a finger at you

Koala high libido and low quality eyesight do exist, and the males do have two penises, and you can get Chlamydia in your ear from a rampant koala sex attack, if they mistake your ear in the dark for an attractive mating opportunity. I cannot caution you enough on this last. Ear muffs are available in all hotel gift shops, if you desire protection. Better safe than sorry!

In addition, Australia apparently hosts 9 of the 10 most poisonous snakes and spiders. Just make sure to check the ingredient list on the food you purchase and you’ll be fine.

In conclusion, Dear Reader, don’t believe everything you hear. Keep your bullshit detectors on. But beware of the oddities of Australia – many strange tales are true!

WSFS Business Deadline

The deadline for submitting new business to next year’s WSFS Business meeting on the Thursday of next year’s Worldcon. There is no submission too early! To submit new copies, bring 200 copies (including an original signed masterpiece by at least two former Worldcon chairs) to the Con Office (Office 201, not to be confused with Room 201, Level 2/01, or English Lit 201) and ask that they be set aside for the Business Meeting. If no one remains in the Con Office (which is likely to happen, post-Monday), you can mail the 200 copies required to any former Worldcon Chair (addresses able to be googled online) who will gladly put them in the recycling bin for you. No online submissions will be accepted. This is WSFS business, people, not the Hugo voting.

MSFC Business Deadline

The MSFC accepts all comers at all times, Online, in person, whatever your fancy.

Vote Early, Vote Often, Vote Your Conscience!

There are many upcoming Worldcon bids. They all pale in comparison to the Neverland bid. Surely you, too, want to learn how to fly (special requests may be considered for Wendy and Pter as your guides, note: Tinkerbell is NOT available for dates). Vote! Fly!

Kangaroo Hop

As part of his DUFF trip activities John Hertz will be offering free Regency dance lessons to kangaroos, wallabies and the Wombat.


Swimming is a popular sport in Melbourne. The locals, wearing those tight spandex shorts often used for lesser sports such as futbol, recommend a swimming pool in Brisbane (how far away can it be?), the Prime Minister Harold Holt Memorial Pool. Please be cautious if you see a submarine from a foreign country – there are suspicions about where the former PM might be now. Don’t worry about the sharks.

Free Stuff For Fandom!

Complimentary Shaun Tan postcards can be found around the city. In particular the senior reporting staff found some in a lovely Greek-influenced bar along the river last night. We’d tell you the name of the fine establishment (wonderful mojitos!), but we had a bit to drink …

Award Winners

Most likely to be dipped in chocolate: China Miéville
Most likely to take over a panel room for the rest of the convention: Girl Genius Radio Play
Most likely to be an area head, division head, and assistant conchair all at once: Helen Montgomery
Most likely to become a Worldcon chair: anyone but Stephanie Clarkson
Most likely to be nominated for a novela Hugo in 2011: Aussiecon 4 program book (It is not eligible for The Big One)
Most likely to ham it up at the convention: the jury is still out on this award (feel free to email submissions)

A New Award
A New Fan Award celebrating the people who voluntarily get involved in running Worldcons has been initiated this weekend: The Small Brain Award. Currently on the short list are Norman Cates, Dave McCarty and Bill Parker.

Splelign lessons

The Hugo administrators would like to thank Patrick Nielsen Hayden for his help in spelling his name.

Lost and Found

Found: in the art show, one pair of pink underwear.

Lost: First class tickets back to the US. Please turn in to the Con Office if found?

Lost: Party suite, last seen in the Crowne Plaza.

Missed Connections

China Miéville, half of the convention wants you, and the other half wants to be you. Please forgive us, please let us seduce you, we have tentacles!

I’m looking for the woman with the long purple dreadlocks. I am in awe. You are lovely. Please have my children.

Raymond’s Harem is currently accepting new applicants.

Attn: Filker with gorgeous long brown hair & voice of a lark. Singing on the escalators Friday afternoon. Do you have a demo CD?

To the gentleman with the tentacles at the London party … Thank you. Thank you so much.

Guests of Honor

Shaun Tan and China Miéville should have children together. No really, they would be strikingly beautiful children. Perhaps they should write a book together if nothing else? Fandom would be most appreciative!

Robin Johnson is conducting a scientific study of whether his accent is considered to be Australian or British. There is strong debate on this topic within the fannish community. No double blind conditions are available for this study, but American participants are are particularly sought.

Kim Stanley Robinson wrote a bio for us in extensive detail, but it was too long to fit into this edition. Please look for tomorrow’s supplement.

Lost & Found … and Lost Again

Those of you following the saga may have found that Lost and Found used to be located at the Information Desk, and then was relocated to the Con Office. It appears to have relocated once again. If you find the Lost & Found again, please report back to the newsletter desk so that we can update the convention at large.

Time Travellers Gathering

The ITTG (International Time Traveler’s Gathering) will meet Thursday at noon, just before con preregistration opens. Due to prereg occurring in the Crowne Plaza we feel comfortable meeting in the near-empty MCEC.


Mazal tov to Denver for winning the site selection, a close race that came down to the difference of thirteen votes.

The Wave of the Future
Living in the future as we are, everyone can twitter and facebook and livejournal each moment of the convention. Please don’t be an old fogey – join the trend! It won’t hurt (much), we promise! Twitter using hash tags #Aus4, #Worldcon, and #Hugos (not to be confused with the #Hugo singular tag, the #Hogu tag, or the tag on the back of your t-shirt).

A Guide to Local Coffee

(for those of you who need it)
Cuppa = Cup of tea or coffee (you need to specify)
Flat White = Espresso with hot water and steamed milk, no foam
Long Black = Double shot of espresso with hot water
Short Black = Single shot of espresso with hot water
Black Widow = an ingredient you should avoid in your coffee
Tomato Sauce = ketchup (not a usual ingredient of coffee, we hope …)

A Message to MSFC

The Melbourne Public Library would like their books back.

See You at Arisia?

Dear Reader, if you have enjoyed this newsletter, we plan to write the next at Arisia in Boston this coming January. Stay tuned, and keep SETI running on your screen saver!

Many thanks to Dave McCarty, Howard Tayler, Spring Schoenhuth, and all the other contributors who didn’t wish to take credit. We still know how to find you.

Questions? Comments? Feel free to email faux.newsletter@gmail.com. We promise to set this email address up as soon as we find free WIFI or it finds us, whichever comes first …

Awesome is the word.

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