Swancon Icks (9) Progress Report The Last – Chairthing Speaks

Transcribed by Elaine Walker


There is a certain horrible inevitability about the financial progress of Conventions. At the start, there is a nest-egg from the last Con, and the Con committee spends its time thinking up grandiose schemes for the disbursement thereof. However, it swiftly becomes apparent that the outgo (for fares, postage, Con facilities, publicity, etc.) far exceeds the initial income, and then everybody, your beloved Con Chairthing included, starts to get cold feet.

Swancon 9 has a simple answer to this frigidity of the pedal extremities. We had a policy agreed on at the very start of the whole madness; we are sticking to it. Basically it is, “If it sounds good, sign the cheque. The hell with it, it’s only money.”

Under this enlightened but terrifying dictum, we have got together some of the best events to occur at any regional Con, and most Nat Cons. Transfinite Audiovisuals are doing a special presentation, probably their most ambitious. There will be a genuine cabaret at the masquerade, with real acts and live music. There will be 2 properly budgeted plays; there will be a radio play as well. There will be a dinner of excellent quality. There will be a hospitality suite solely for the purpose of Con entertainment. There will be tours of Perth. There will be the most ambitious Fan Olympics yet. There will be programmed events of every type and shade, because our programme is the same as the above budget policy, with appropriate changes to protect the innocent. Above all, we have a Guest of Honour who would be an adornment to a World Con, let alone an Australian regional Con.

And then there are the infamous Swancon “Special Events”. Last year it was the sleaze-and-leather of Bobo Gden and co. This year it may be the fannish wedding of the decade, preceded by the Bride’s underwear party and (it is threatened) the auction of the jus primae noctis, which, oddly enough, does not mean “the juice of prime nocts”.

It should be quite a Con.

At the bottom of the second page of this is another cartoon by Craig Hilton (’83) with two scientists standing next to a maze with a rat in it. The rat has broken down the walls between it and the cheese and has a ferocious expression. One of the scientists says, “I’ve discovered this great new drug. It doesn’t make them super-intelligent, but who gives a damn?”

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