Transcribed by Doug Burbidge
How to Have a Terrible Time at a Swancon
Well, I’m sure it’s been done. I do remember hearing about one person who had an absolutely dreadful time. But that was because of his hangover. I’m sure that it’s possible to have a really bad con, I just can’t think of how.
Oh, I know. Be on the committee. That way you get someone to throw a cream pie in your face. Great fun, heh?
It all depends on your point of view?
I suppose the best way to not enjoy yourself is to avoid participating in anything. Don’t come to the masquerade, better still don’t enter it. That way you’re sure to ruin a few hours.
Whatever you do don’t participate in the fan olympics. I mean can you think of anything much worse than horizontal mountain climbing?
Welllll, what about the dance? All that exertion and unseemly behaviour? Yuck.
You think you’d quite enjoy that?
Okay then, what about the gaming, the band, the auction, the vegemite shield, fannish theatre sports,the video stream, the academic programme, the cocktail party, the Ditmars, the banquet, the filksinging, the fact that the other members of the convention keep on talking to you and being friendly? I could go on and on.
From what you can gather it sounds like fun?
If you’re not careful you’ll end up enjoying yourself.
And that IS what Swancon is all about. Five days to have a good time.
You really can’t have a terrible time at a Swancon.
Fan Funds blah blah blah DUFF GUFF FFANZ a third of a page.