Transcribed by Elaine Walker, who has done her best to accurately reproduce all typos.
An Almost-True Story
TRUE CONFESSIONS II:
Some Things Even Your Best Friends Won’t Tell You!
Dear Madame Palm,
One Friday night (last March), most of my friends disappeared.
I was terribly upset and embarrassed and spent nearly a week wondering where they’d gone, what I could possibly have done to offend them, and what it was they wouldn’t tell me.
Anyway, in due course my friends reappeared. They had, they later told me, been to SwanCon 14 and had a wonderful time. When I asked “What’s a SwanCon?”, they were astonished, and it was their turn to be embarrassed.
Okay, I understand that the SwanCon Committee didn’t notify any of the fan clubs that I attend. I understand that the only newspaper article about SwanCon 14 appeared after the event. I understand that the Progress Reports were only sent to those people who’d given the committee a considerable sum of money, their names and addresses and sworn depositions that they didn’t own any John Norman books. But I don’t understand why my friends didn’t tell me!
Name, Address and Sworn Deposition supplied.
Within it are three words. TRIP, THUD and (in a speech bubble) SHIT!
Caption: “Surviving in a Dark Future”
Dear Name,
There is no need to be ashamed of word-of-mouth. Oral advertising can be perfectly effective if used properly. See you at the Con. And please