Pages four through seven of the Swancon 14 Programme book showcases the Swancon 14 committee. The first three pages have four bios apiece; the fourth has a single bio, a short thank you, an advert for the Melbourne Science Fiction Club, and a line drawing of a ‘Durban Spaceman’, being a play on the ‘Urban Spaceman’ theme of the convention.
The Cream Pie List
or
The Committee members exposed
CINDY CLARKSON: Chairthingy
It is amazing how much Cindy has come to resemble a chair over the course of preparation for the con. Not a familiar, faithful, overstuffed armchair; more a piece of avant garden furniture. Colourful, with arms that wrap around you when you sit. Much like the favourite piece of household furniture – lovingly displayed in pride of place in the lounge; Cindy is the hearth of the convention.
Terry Chilvers: Secretary
Somnabulist extraordinare; many have mistaken Terry in a fit of excitement for a three toed sloth. Terry lives by the principle that, of the seven deadly sins, sloth has received a lot of bad press. You’ll recognise Terry by his red ringlets and perpetually dazed expression.
hing-Wing Chung: Financial Controller
Wing has three great fears in life; money, pink pig suits and hot coffee on his groin. Two of these he has experienced, one he hasn’t. It’s up to you to work it out. Just notice the resemblance to a guitar-playing Ewok.
Greg Turkich: Hotel
Sidle up to Greg and ask him to tell you about toilet training and he will! Greg knows many hotel rooms in Perth intimately, that’s why he has a habit of knocking on strangers’ hotel room doors at 3 am looking for a party. Let him in! He needs a room; he forgot to book one for himself.
Ian Nicholls: Programmer
It’s so hard to think about anything nice to say about Ian…that hasn’t already been said. This master of the masturbatory metaphor has been known to say that the stories you have heard about them are not true. They are.
Gina Goddard: Publication
“Subtle” is a word many have used to describe Gina, “…as a brick”, “…as a bomb” etc. Gina’s quiet unassuming manner and wall-flower-like dress sense means she often blends into the background at cons. We will be conducting a series of “spot the Gina” tours in an attempt to overcome this. Prizes will be awarded for the first sighting.
John Richards: Publicity
John has a unique perspective and outlook on the world. This explains his creation of such convention item as “Thomas the Tank Engine to Metropolis.” John’s involvement with media fandom means that he has a habit of pushing your nose when he wants to turn you off.
Daryl Colgan: Fund raising
Daryl may look like our average dull, colourless, boring miser who doesn’t want to have any fun or, more importantly, spend any money because he’s saving up for THE HOUSE. But…when the music starts clear that dance floor because Uncle Daggles Discos Down!!!
Elisabeth Poidinger: Fund raising
Do you know how to play bridge? You do but you need a fourth player for a game? No longer! Liz is the person for you! Liz is good at a lot of games; many common, some more esoteric. But she’s willing to play with anyone at any time. Liz is famed for being the only person ever to use the phrase “Runcible spoon” as a rhyme for moon in a game of Theatre Sports.
Grant Stone: Ditmar Awards
Grant Stone is a most interesting man, indeed. Indeed he is. Grant has indeed a habit of repeating a certain word during his “Faster Than Light Radio Show” indeed. See if, indeed, he does it in real life. Yes, indeed!
Annette Wilson & Dorothy Cantoni: Masquerade
Despite appearances to the contrary, Annette Wilson and Dorothy Cantoni are actually sisters. What’s more, they even appear to like each other. Dorothy is married, Annette isn’t. Annette is older; Dorothy isn’t. Both of them are demons with the needle, embroidery that is, and not bad cooks either. Dorothy has considerable skill at square and country dances; whilst Annette, if asked nicely, may just turn your membership page into a designer original, with a few swift strokes of the ever present rotring pen.
Jay Plester: Security
There is a badge, advertised for sale in a previous progress report, which says “I don’t like violence, but I’m very good at it.” There is little doubt that this was aimed at Jay. He is, he says, meek, mild and shy. He is definitely a softy. Just hug him and see. Go on, I dare you.
—
At this point in time the Chairthingy would like to energetically thank previous members on the committee, who, for various reason were unable to continue to contribute to the chaos. These sensible people are Barbara de la Hunty, Bob Ogden, Julian Warner and Brad Memphes